A Heart Divided

The other day, Seth and I were driving the kids to dinner and Josiah asked us if we were sad when his feelings were hurt.  I proceeded to tell him that the day that daddy and I found out that we were going to have him, we each gave him a part of our hearts. I said that he actually walks around with three hearts in one so we feel everything that he feels.  When he is excited about going to playground, our hearts feel that too.  When he is sad because somebody said something mean to him, our hearts feel that too.  When he was scared about his first day of preschool, our hearts were scared too. It is amazing to me how we change when we become parents.  You learn to live your life for someone other than yourself...all the time.  And you know something, I wouldn't change that for the world. 

 I love writing.  I love expressing my feelings this way.  However, the business of life seems to get in the way of me doing it.  I want to change that...so I am back.

I think a lot...not as much as I talk, but I am constantly thinking about something. I was thinking the other day about how blessed of a family we are. Seth and I have great family on both sides. His parents love me as a daughter and my parents love Seth as a son. Our siblings totally rock and I have the BEST time with them. Sometimes I wish Christmas was every week so we could get the entire family together more often. This year was especially wonderful. I got to spend a couple of days with my sister and her husband. It was a HUGE blessing to me and God had answered my prayer. Even though we had been a part for awhile, I felt like we connected again. Josiah is still talking about them and is quite smitten. Christmas always is surrounded by material gifts and as an adult, I have always felt sad about that. This year I received something far more wonderful than an earthly gift...I received peace and restoration. Sometimes God's answers seem to take too long for my heart, but in the end, He always knows what is right. His timing is never wrong.

I actually want to blog...I just don't. I think my last excerpt was in May...YIKES! Let's see, has anything happened since then??? Well...I am now 7 months pregnant so I guess that constitutes a major change in the Quin household!!! Karah Grace Quin is due to arrive at the end of January and we are really excited!!! I guess I should say most of us are excited. J has days where he is really excited about his "baby sista," but other days he gets a little upset. One minute, he shows me all the toys he is going to teach "karwah" to play with and the next minute, he screams as he sees his old room turn into a pink palace. I honestly didn't know he would understand it so well. However, some of our really good friends had a baby girl a couple of months ago and we have explained to him that we will be bringing home a little baby like that...he seems to get it. He is so great with that baby and watching him "pat" her and tell her "it's okay" when she cries makes my heart melt.

Okay, so what has Josiah been up to the past several months??? Learning...learning....learning. His language development is fantastic and Seth and I are so happy to finally know exactly what he wants. He is such a sponge, which is good and bad. We have quickly learned that we now have to filter everything. While we once would call broken items "stupid thing" or maybe a bad driver a "dummy," we now have to watch everything. In fact, we have told him not to say things and when he hears us say them, he says, "don't say that, mommy/daddy!" Sometimes I am not sure who is raising whom.

In July, we took our first big road trip with Josiah. We went down to Nashville to see Aunt Trisha and Uncle Shawn. He did so well with the 8 hour trip both ways. We couldn't believe it! We had a great time and Josiah didn't want to leave. We are hoping to try that journey again when Karah is a little older.

Another big moment for us was watching Josiah as a ring bearer. He and his little cousin Elijah joined forces for their Aunt Betsy's wedding in August!!! They did an amazing job for being so little! The wedding was perfect and we all had such a great time...especially Aunt Molly!:) (that was for you Mols since you are one of the only ones reading this).

This fall, we placed J into a gymnastics class with a couple of his friends and little Elijah. They were so stinkin' cute in it. J was so good at it and loved every minute!

Most recently, we moved J to his new room and set up his "big boy" bed. He did so awesome with it. Potty training on the other hand...it is going to take a little more time. He has gone pee pee twice on the big potty, but doesn't want anything to do with it right now. :( We are hoping it happens soon because we are tired of hearing, "Mommy/daddy, I pooped...change me...right now!" Yes, he is definitely the king of the castle, although power may be shifting in the coming months! I am excited to see our family grow! Miss Karah is kicking me like crazy as I write this.

Oh, parenthood is such a joy to me. I had a bad day at work yesterday. I watched a 16 year old slip away and it shook me to my very core. They allowed family to come in as we tried desperately to keep him here. His young face brought big tears to my eyes. His family was in such pain. It can be so hard not to internalize those moments. It took my co workers and I some time to regroup after that one. All I could think of is Josiah and if that had been him on that bed. My heart crumbled for that beautiful family. It does make you realize that you truly have to cherish every moment because you don't know what is ahead of you. I came home that night and my son ran to me screaming, "mommy, mommy, you're back!" It made me cry all over again. Life is so fragile and even the smallest moments should be treasured. God has blessed me beyond belief with awesome family, friends, and just Him...I am ever so grateful.:)

A Mother's Heart

Well, I have the most amazing mom in the world. I am never shy about stating that. She is the most generous and loving lady that I have ever known. That is why I hurt for her so. Yesterday, we went to a mother/daughter banquet at my church. At the end of the brunch, the speaker quoted a line from the musical "Wicked." It talked about how whatever happens in a mother/daughter relationship, that daughter's hand is always on the mother's heart. As I watched the tears stream down my mama's face, I knew why. My heart breaks with my mom. I don't know what is going to happen with my own son down the road, but I hope and pray that he does not desert his daddy and me. Because you see, his hand is very much on my heart. It was there the first day I saw that positive pregnancy test....the first time I saw him on his sonogram...the first time his little cry was heard on this earth...and every "first" thereafter. I sat there and cried thinking of my own child, but also for my beautiful mother who has given EVERYTHING she could to her two girls. She didn't deserve this.

I pray a lot for Trisha. I have been very blessed to have a strong church family that also prays. Seth and I attend a small group that are awesome people...EVERY single one of them. The same day as that brunch, I met with that group and we began to talk about that morning's events. We prayed together and I can't tell you how wonderful it felt to share my heart with 6 amazing ladies. I am not saying that this will change anything. The answer to prayer isn't always "yes." The answer may simply be to wait. I am just happy to know that I do not go through these troubles alone. God has blessed me with the best friends in the whole world. He knew I would need these girls and he sent them at a perfect time. It cracks me up because quite a few of them are actually the exact same age as my own sister...they have filled in during her absence. I love my sister very much and miss her more than anyone could ever know. I know that the girls that sat around in that living room Saturday night have the same hope as I do...that someday my sister and I will reconcile and I will be able to bring her to that group and we can say, "this is the the group that prayed you home." Now wouldn't that be special???

Anyway, that was just on my heart because of the brunch yesterday morning! I try to not think about it, but sometimes it is brought to the forefront of my mind.

Thank you Rebekah, Hilary, Sara, Daphne, Heather, and Lucy for being such wonderful ladies. I love you all and feel so inspired by each one of you!!!

Surprise!

And no, I am really not a "ho fo sho" for those of you that are concerned!

Well, I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and I am not going to lie about it; my feelings were a little hurt. My husband, Seth, is always so good at making me feel like I am very special to him. I thought for sure that he would make my 30th extra special! January 12th came and went and he didn't make a big deal out of it. I didn't say much, but would tell others (some friends/Seth's mom and sister Betsy/my parents) that I was surprised he didn't do something for it. well, last Saturday, he made up for all that by throwing me a surprise 30th birthday party. I was not completely clueless about it because anyone that knows me knows that I am a mastermind at figuring things out. However, he did a FANTASTIC job. Seth and I had plans to go to Alexanders that night with three couples to celebrate my birthday. We were going to leave J at his parents' house and go on from there. When we arrived, I walked in and saw about thirty faces looking back at me!!! I can't even begin to explain how that made me feel. I guess it made me feel like I have definitely had a great thirty years on this earth. I have some of the best friends in the world...have loved me through everything. God has definitely been good to me. Also, seeing both families standing there made me feel extremly blessed. I love them all very much and feel so lucky to call them my family. I felt so loved and appreciated.



So we went to Alexanders and more friends joined there. That made me happy. We had a great time. Yes, our friend Greg gave me another stellar gift this year...the guy loves gag gifts. He gave me a "HO FO SHO" blingy drinking cup. The only thing it saw all night was iced tea...ha! It sure made me laugh though. That is about as wild as we get! I giggled all night long!!!



Finally, we went dancing...even more friends met up with us there! We had a good time, but realized we were too old to be at a club. I just love to dance...so much fun!!! So if anyone knows a good place to kick up your feet that isn't made up of all 21 year olds, let us know! We still had a great time and I will not soon forget this experience. Thank you Seth for all the hard work you put into this! You are the best husband in the world!!!! I love you so much!

I am 30 and fabulous!!!

My blogs have been pretty heavy as of late. I am not ALWAYS like that. In fact, I don't think anyone that spends more than three seconds with me would think that I am a downer. Anyway, I turned the big 3-0 today. I have been dreading it for several weeks now, but when I woke up this morning, I felt fabulous! I know, I know, you are supposed to use the word "fabulous" when referring to your 50th birthday (thanks Ryan Hite for bringing that to my attention on FB), but I could not find a better word for it. I have been happy all day. I woke up to the sound of my son calling for me and soon was greeted by my BFF (Seth :)) in the kitchen. I am not quite sure what I was dreading...the number possibly??? That number seemed to go to the wayside when I began to think how truly blessed my family is. I received so many birthday wishes via phone/text/facebook, which made me realize that I am truly loved and appreciated...sorry I didn't respond to the texts/phone calls...it was a busy day! God made my 29th year extraordinary and I know His plans for my 30th year will be out of control exciting! I just want to say that I love my family and friends so much! Each one of you make me love each year of my life. Hugs and kisses to you all! Muah!